"Listen to the words that others can't speak; speak the words that others can't hear."

Friday, June 14, 2013

Word Purge

I want to write a beautiful poem; 
There are so many things I want to tell you. 

I want this to be meaningful, 
But not just full of shit 
Because we all know half the stuff we hear goes in one ear and out the other quickly forgotten or not believed. 

Listen to me. 

As the sun sets, and darkness starts to fall, 
I'm once again reminded and I relive it all. 
And I know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do, I'm not the first or the last to say that I'm with you. 

Listen to me. 

I've been there. 
Leaning over a toilet wishing to be thin, hoping that your heart will stop, 
Wanting to give in.  

And I, I have been there. 

Crawled up in a ball at night, as the monsters call my name, 
I've felt their hands around me but still I've taken all the blame. 

And I've carved into my body 
To forget that I was used, 
I've left my temple burned and scarred, terrified and bruised. 

I have been there. 

And I want this poem to be about redemption. I want it to tell our stories from the inside out so others can feel what it's like to want to crawl out of your skin. 
Because living in a shell, puking and eating and puking and cutting and eating and starving and cutting again, 
That's not a life worth living. 
And I've been there. 

I've stared at a bottle of pills for hours debating how many to take. I don't want to die I'd tell myself as I committed suicide. 
"I'm not sick enough," I'd say,
"I've been worse before." 
God I've heard this so many times from people I adore. 
And I've been there. I have felt your pain, 
And I know how to appreciate the sunshine when all you get is rain. 

Because I'm here now. I still wake up to sweat and tears and I sit here quietly facing all my fears.
But I know how to smile, and I know how to laugh and if I could give you a reason to keep fighting I'd say that these two are the greatest gifts of all. 

Because seeing a smile on a strangers face and hearing a giggle or a cute embrace makes the sunsets beautiful and the dark nights bright, 
Makes the shadows quiver in the moonlit night. 
And it brings new memories to cloud the old, and I know these are all things that you have been told 
But you've never seen it so how could it be? And you're stuck in the same place as yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before. 

And I've been there too, just as lost as you. And I know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do, I'm not the first or the last to say that I'm with you. 

But if I could dry your tears and show you how to live, I'd do it in an instance and have nothing left to give. 

If you could see yourself the way that I see you, you'd understand when I say that I have been there too. 
You're beautiful and wonderful and have so much just ahead, 
And together we can fight it, we won't ever be misled. 

And I want to write a poem that you can relate to, 
Forget the bells and whistles, and the sappy "I love yous". 

I don't know how to end it since the future's so unsure, 
I don't know and can't promise that we will be secure. 
But I know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do, 
And I know I'm not the first or the last to say that I'm with you. 

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