"Listen to the words that others can't speak; speak the words that others can't hear."

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Today I woke up to the wonderful sun warming my face, it was a beautiful "spring-ish" day and I was determined to get sunburned (considering the fact that 'tan' seems to be inconceivable to my body). I was laying out for two hours shivering and thinking about how pathetic I probably would have looked if anyone saw me... As soon as I gave up and decided that Facebook was calling my name more than the cold but still beautiful day, it got cloudy out. I really despise Texas weather. Oh, and if you were wondering, the picture above is one of my brother and I when we first moved to Puerto Rico, as you can see, we haven't changed much. :)

So officially, Isabella has no chance of looking any darker or, I should say 'less white', before retreat.

I pray that retreat goes well. I'm extremely nervous about a lot of things but I think it'll be great.

Today I found an old friend on Facebook, it made me realize how much I miss not having a job, not needing to work. I've missed out on a lot in the past year or so, but I'm ready to get it all back, I just hope everyone else is able to understand and accept me now.

I really miss some things.
"There is no God like you, O Lord, not one has done what you have done." -Psalm 86:8

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I feel good tonight.

Tonight I went to this Fra Angelico's Coffee Haus thing without really knowing what to expect. I'm glad I went, it was so relaxing to just be able to sit and reflect. It's funny because I went there so I could journal a little bit on my laptop, so I could write out all the mindless self-indulgent things that I don't write on here. As I was finishing a paragraph and coming back to reality I heard, "I'd give anything/to have you near to me/ I will fight for you without rest/ I will fight for you without rest". This is funny because I've been feeling kind of down lately and I was writing about how badly I hope that God listens to my prayers and whatnot. For some reason, I don't think that Jessica was playing that song by chance, and I thank God for letting me know that he's always here. (And thanks to Jessica too for sharing her music with the world!)

I haven't updated the blog for a while but there are reasons for that. It started off with me getting my wisdom teeth pulled, and then slowly transferred to life being a complete mess with work, school, preparations, and just life I guess.

Life. It's funny how things can change so quickly isn't it? It can feel really troublesome at times, but I'm liking the way life's finally starting to come together. It's taken it's sweet time, but I'm starting to figure things out.

Although I do have to say that no matter how hard you prepare for things, something is always going to change. Life can be planned out to the very millisecond and then all of a sudden something random happens and it's all over with. A very special someone leaves on Monday and I won't get to see him again until probably July. Even then, he will only be home for a few days before getting stationed somewhere. Let's hope it's Ft. Hood.

I find it interesting that a month ago I was praying for an answer as to what to do about this boy and wether or not I should fight for our 'friendship', and as soon as I decide to follow my heart and not my mind (a choice that is potentially detrimental for women) he tells me he switched from Army to Marines and is leaving in three weeks. I wish I could trick myself into believing that we are mean't to be, but I can't. Looking back I see all the signs that told me he wasn't the right one, God was hinting and I was oblivious. God has flat out layed it out for me now; it's going to hurt, but I think I will be okay and I will grow from it as I usually do. The right one's out there somewhere. :)

"But even if we speak like this, dear friends, we feel sure about you. We know that you have the better blessings that belong to your salvation. God is not unfair. He will not forget the work you did or the love you showed for him in the help you gave and are still fiving to other Christians. Our great desire is that each of you keep up your eagerness to the end, so that the things you hope for will come true. We do not want you to be lazy, but to be like those who believe and are patient, and so receive what God has promised." Hebrews 6:9-12

I know that God is listening to you, me and all the others. God is fighting for us.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Enjoy the Little Things...

I learned something today.

Not that I don't learn something new everyday, but today I felt something different. I learned something worth remembering. Enjoy the little things.

Being a Sunday morning, and knowing that I didn't have to work I was hoping to be able to sleep in. Little did I know that I would be woken up at 9 so that I could help my mom do the laundry. On a normal day I wouldn't have to help my mom with the laundry, but since our dryer broke we've had to go to a laundromat to dry our previously washed clothes.

Now maybe it's the weather or the fact that I've been extra tired lately, but I woke up cranky today. I mean, I was in a very very bad mood and depressed state. And on top of that, I was in no mood to do laundry at a nasty laundromat. Don't get me wrong, I know this is preparing me for college days, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. I much prefer being a little spoiled and yes, maybe snobby, and do my laundry in the privacy of my own home, not in a place where everyone else puts in their underwear and whatnot.

Anyways, so we pull into this "Kwikwash" place and it's packed with people that (I know this is going to sound bad) I don't normally associate with. I always try not to be judgemental, but with the way this day was going, I guess that just wasn't the first thing I thought of doing. I saw all these people and I couldn't help it, my eyes teared up and I was refusing to go inside. I know that makes me a brat but it just didn't seem fair.

Then, as if it was a gift from God, a friend of a friend walked into the laundromat. A girl I would have never expected to be in 'financial difficulties' was happily doing her laundry with her mom at the place I was too ashamed to go into. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was so humbling to see this and know that no matter what, I'm never alone.

After getting my act together, I went in and helped my mom put the things in the drier. We sat down at a booth far away from anyone else and she asked me if I wanted to play "May I?" We sat there for a while playing our favorite card game and talking about how gross we felt in that place. The two hours passed by faster than I've ever experienced and I guess you could say that my mom and I had a "bonding" moment in the process. It had been a long time since we had just 'hung out' like that, since we had bonded.

As for the girl from my school, I no longer have to feel awkward around her. I can feel like we're equal, instead of one of us being better than the other. Her being there also helped me realize that we never really know what everyone's lives are like. Even though we each put up a great facade, it's only a mask to hide all the things that really get to us. All our secrets, our real selves.

After all, I don't really know how many of those people were in ther for the same reason I was. With the eay the economy is going it's possible that half those people were in there because they too don't have the money to just go out and buy a new washer/dryer as soon as their old one breaks down. Seeing her there was a reminder to not judge others based on appearance, to not judge others at all.

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven" Luke 6:37

Remember, enjoy the little things because someday, those little things may not be there for you to enjoy.

Friday, February 5, 2010

On Love.

The other day I heard someone say that 'the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.' Those few words, wise as they were, caught my attention and I couldn't help but brood over it for the rest of that day.
Lately, love is mistakenly used for all situations and the word has simply been worn-out. The word 'like' has taken the place of 'umm.' and 'love' has inevitably replaced what 'like' used to stand for. This begs the question: Why does all this matter?
The answer is simple. In God's eyes, love is something special. It is what He gave us when He died for us on the cross. It is what He believed to be a special bond shared between a man and a woman. God didn't believe love to be a common, everyday word. Don't get me wrong, He wanted love to be shared; He wants His people to know that they are loved by Him and by others. That we, as a church, can grow in His peace, love and kindness and as a community can contribute to building up the foundation that He set up when He gave His life for His people.
Personally though, with the way the world has evolved, I fear that the word will soon become meaningless; if it hasn't already. Men use the word simply to get a woman to give in to the man's sexual desire, to sin. Women use love for almost everything. We love fashion, music, movies and we've even learned to love people we have never even met. I don't really know about everyone else, but this just disconcerts me.
I'm the type of person who believes in love. I have been in love, in true love. I have felt the difference between love and lust, I have witnessed both true love and simple infatuation. And honestly, I would be a liar if I ended this by saying that I have never used love in an impersonal way.
The fact of the matter is that we have all used love in the wrong sense of the word. Subconsciously, most of us abuse the word on a daily basis.
To get to my point, and to prove that I really did have a purpose in saying all this, I am going to challenge myself and the rest of the world (I say that only to humor myself and make me feel like I have readers) to not use the word, to save it for when it means something, when it's special.
Instead of saying the word, I'm taking the freedom to show it, to express it. Everyone will know how I feel for them through my actions, not my words. And if I make the mistake of using the word too soon or with the wrong timing I will remember that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
"Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous.It doesn't sing its own praises. It isn't arrogant. It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs. It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up." ~ 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7