"Listen to the words that others can't speak; speak the words that others can't hear."

Friday, March 19, 2010

Mission Accomplished.

Spring Break is almost over and I'm sitting here wishing it could last forever. First off I have to say that I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish over Spring Break. Happiness.

I did a ton of thinking and 'figuring out'. I realized that I don't belong in Plano, TX. Don't get me wrong, it's an amazing city, and I am forever grateful that I started up here, but I don't belong here. I don't know where I belong, but I know it' snot this place. I belong some place where everyone knows each other and relies on each other. One where high school education is enough to give you a voice, where people count on how smart you are, not your level of education... Again, don't misinterpret what I'm saying, college is my number one priority (aside from family, God, etc.) but it most definitely wasn't for my parents. They went to college, just never finished. Plano is not a place for them either. Plano is a place for big CEO's and people that make money without even trying.

I don't belong in such a snobby city. I presently work for Wal-Mart, a company known for its weird people and for supposedly being a sweatshop. I'll admit that I'm sure some stores are like that, the one I work for defeats that stereotype a million times over. Iget paid over nine dollars an hour. I know that's not too much, but if you think about the fact that they will not even allow me to get near the dumpster, cardboard compactor, trucks, or sell alcohol or cigarettes because I'm not 18 yet, that is more than enough money. I stand at a register and move my arm back and forth while talking to the brats that I have to consider "...first. Always."

Plano is just not my kind of city and customers are definitely not always first. Sorry Wal-Mart, but in case of a fire I'm saving my ass before anyone else's, I have bigger and better things to do in my life. None of it involves Wal-Mart or Plano.

On the other hand, I've met the greatest people while living here, people that have taught me to live my life to the fullest and have helped me to survive. Many of which have actually lived their entire lives here, some that are ment to live here. Some I've met because they've been down and out in the same situation as me, others through my church and many through the schools I've gone to, and in all honesty, I truly don't think that I would be alive right now if I hadn't met these people. For that reason, I am eternally grateful for this city.

Either way, this place has taught me countless life lessons that shape the person I hope to someday be. The person that I'm working on becoming.

On to a different subject, but hang in here with me because I promise it all comes together in the end.

I did a lot of 'friending' during this Spring Break. I've been told that when you're feeling down you shouldn't stay all cooped up in your house because that only makes you feel worse.. Makes perfect sense I guess. (:

So other than bike rides and just hanging out with friends I also went bowling with the 'everything skit team'. ...That's what we call ourselves but really we've all just become great friends, almost like brothers and sisters. Anyways, after bowling we decided to go to IHOP. It was... interesting to say the least, not to mention the fact that there was a group of three adults and seven children (all under 8) eating there at one in the morning...?

BUT, where I was going with that was that somewhere in the middle of throwing straw wrappers and picture taking someone said something profound. Who would have thought that a group of college bound teenagers would have anything meaningful to talk about. I can't remember who said it or what led them to saying it, but I'm glad that they did.

Life is easier when you're a good person... You actually have to try to be bad, but when you just live your life the way God made you, you're bound to be a great person and have an easy life. It doesn't really matter what you do in life... If you're here to wash dishes, then love washing those dishes and do it to your best potential; life is much better that way.

At that moment, and I don't know why, I thought of working at Wal-Mart. I realized that I like my job right now because I make the most out of it. I enjoy hearing the stories about all the rich and famous people they've met, but I especially enjoy the ones that come from the crazies... Those people make my life so much better. I like almost everyone I work with and try to have some fun even with the ones that get on my last nerve.

People have asked me how I get by so easily. Truth is that I don't, not at all. Life is not easy unless you make it easy. I don't like where I live or even how I live parts of my life, but one thing I strive to remember to do is follow God and wake up every morning thinking "Today is going to be a good day". ...And on the days that aren't so great I go to bed thinking that 'there's always tomorrow'.

"Life is easier when you're a good person... You actually have to try to be bad, but when you just live your life the way God made you...life is much better that way."

~from a wise teenager sitting at an Ihop at 1am.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Mission: Happiness

I've spent the past two days trying to find something interesting to write about, but nothing has really stuck out with me. I've skipped having lunch with friends because I wanted to take the time to reflect on just life in general. The only conclusion I came to was the fact that I hadn't been doing enough for Lent and that I desperately need a break.

Originally I wanted to fast on the weekends for Lent but the second I passed the idea by my mom it was turned down. I figured that would happen so I narrowed it down to just Fridays but she still didn't even budge a little bit. She made me settle for just giving up soft drinks. I was content with that for a week but then I realized that in reality I don't really drink sodas anyway and I knew it wasn't enough. I tried doing the no coffee thing but that still wasn't enough. Now I decided to go completely against what my mom wants me to do and do the no fast food thing. I usually pick something up after school so that I have time to eat before going to work, but I feel like I need to give something real up for the remaining of Lent so I guess that's what I'm going with.

This morning I was listening to the Kidd Kraddick in the Morning Show and they were doing a bit on 'What Three Things You Would Change About Yourself''. Kellie was talking about how much she envies women who are big and can still 'strut their stuff' and be happy with who they are. I realized that I envy those women too. At some point in the past few days I decided that I want to start working out again but I don't really have time considering that I already get up at 7 and don't get back home until at least 10 and then all I have time for is homework and stuff. This is why I decided that all next week I'm going to go on those long bike rides I love. I'm hoping that I can get some of my working out out of hte way and then in someway feel better about myself. I think I've been feeling this desperation for something more because I need to raise my self worth and need some good conversations.

People at school don't seem to enjoy serious conversations. I think that's why I rather talk to older adults reather than my best friends. I rather talk about life, God, and how awesome it is to be in the middle of nowhere enjoying yourself than gossip or talk about a party and other stupid teenage drama. My sister tells me I'm an old lady stuck in a teenage body but I say I'd rather be that and be happy than pretend to be someone I'm not. Lately I've been putting on a great show to make people around me happy, but I on the other hand am not very happy.

I'm going to take Spring Break to find my happiness again. I have to get myself back on track.

Anyone up for 'happiness finding' with me? :)

I turn 18 in less than a month! And unlike the past several years, my birthday does not fall on Holy Week this year! I'm sorry Jesus but I'm incredibly happy to be able to celebrate my 18th birthday. Hahaha Two years ago I was told that since my birthday fell on Easter we weren't going to sing happy birthday on my birthday but the day after instead. That was no fun.

Anyway, I'm praying for something good to write about. Something that's worth your time because I know I've started to turn this blog into something more like a diary. I don't like writing diary blogs. :)

Something good will come soon. Promise.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

"I wanna get away..."

There's something about the Getaway Retreat every year that makes me want to become a better Christian. Everytime I go I feel myself growing more as a Catholic and a Christian.. I wonder if that happens to everyone or if it get's to a point where you've filled up with so much God-ness that you just stop growing... or maybe that's when you realize that you've gone so many times that you might as well just become a minister. ...It's a possibility okay.

This past weekend has taught me so much about myself and has helped me open up and get closer to a lot of people. I said 'love' a ton this weekend, but I mean't it so I'm okay.

The small group I taught was ridiculously quiet except for a select few. Leading them helped me become a more patient and assertive person. I had fun those kids; I only hope they did too.

Adoration was incredible as usual. There's something so moving about being in a room with so many people that believe the same thing you believe and sitting in front of Jesus himself, it's just amazing. ***Funny side story: At one point during adoration a girl started to really scream and cry, and the one thing that ran through my mind was that she was probably a mentally challenged girl who was having a hard time dealing with it all, I prayed for her as I'm sure many others did. On Sunday morning my friend asks me what it was that happened and I told her what had thought it was. She told me she thought that maybe someone had just told her that maybe her father or someone close had just died. She said that if that happened to her that's how she would cry. At that moment our friend Marissa came up to us and said "Girl, what happened to that one girl last night?! It was so scary! The first thing that came to my mind was that she was being possesed and that maybe an exorcism was happening in the room... I started to really pray my little heart out!" hahahahhaha. Okay, funny side story is over.***

I'm so grateful to have such awesome mentors in my life and so many people that are there for me no matter what...

The only problem is that everytime I get away from home I realize how incredibly happy I am when I'm not there. Then I come back and it's all back to the same routines, the same competition, and the same halfway empty hole. I'm desperately searching for something more, something better and real. I know it'll come, but I wish it'd come faster.

Writing is a form of prayer and at the moment I'm going to write until my little hand can't take it anymore. I need it.

Remember, use your talent and turn it into something wonderful; praise the Lord with whatever you've got to give Him.