Being honest is hard as it is, but truly allowing yourself to open up to others, showing them a side of you that not even you have shown yourself before really takes guts. I've taken to being real lately and it's paid off so far. I stopped lying to myself about who I'm interested in and why, I stopped lying about what I want in life, for myself and for others.
As much as it hurts to speak the truth, it has proven to be the best gift I could ever give myself.
I spoke the truth today.
I've torn my insides to pieces these past couple years and it was about time I came clean. I said it thinking nothing of it, thinking it was just another thing to add to my long list of burdens, but the second I let what I said off my chest, I could feel like I could breathe a little easier. I don't have to lie anymore. I can be myself. Sometimes it's okay to put on a mask to get by, but when you spend every waking second with a bag over your head that bad becomes like water torture. It gets heavy and you feel like taking it off. But, you tell yourself, ...but I've had it on for so long. No one really knows what I'm about. The truth is, everyone around me sees the real me, I refuse to believe it's me and I've spent two years beating myself up for it. It's time to change. Time to be who I was made to be.
Speaking of being real, I've also stopped pretending not to care for someone who I obviously care a lot about. They've done the same and I think we've both grown to be very happy around each other. I think this is the person I'm supposed to be with (knock on wood!) but I'm not going to get my hopes too far up. We've all seen what that can do! I'm keeping it real and taking it easy. This is something new, something different... way different but I'm enjoying it. Like a breath of fresh air. Funny, that's twice now that I've referred to my lungs...
Perhaps this is a female thing and it definitely is off topic, but do you ever have those days where you feel like crying? Everything inside of you just wants to let go and get rid of all the toxic waste built up inside of you (pun intended).... I've been feeling like that, for a month already. I'm beginning to think that that's the cause of my writer's block. I'm working on it, I promise I'll be back to my normal ol' self before you know it!
This is all I got for now.
Peace to you tonight,
Bella
P.S. Pray for strength. I'm on day seven and fixing to start day one. Don't ask, just pray.
Sometimes it's not a stranger, a friend or even a boyfriend that makes the difference...
Sometimes all you want is for one person to look you in the eyes and say,
'I couldn't have made a more perfect you. You are beautiful.'
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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