Broken... Not Shattered

In the midst of work and school along with church and love I have found myself drowning in my thoughts and yearning to write. The feelings are pouring out from the very pit of my being and I really can't help myself. I have felt so much love and hatred, mercy and grace, understanding and regret in the past couple months that it truly is incredible. To be quite honest, I have been a roller coaster of emotions and have found myself wondering if 'loving' is truly worth it.

It was last April that I said I wouldn't let myself love again. Well, just like any normal person, I slowly grew out of that and put myself out. I gave my everything to someone and only got their something in return. I'm not going to lie, I was warned by several people many times, the red flags were all over the place and I always knew he wasn't 'The One', but I thought I'd give it a chance.

I dug my own hole and with every kiss got deeper and deeper. Now the dirt is up to my neck and it feels impossible to get myself out. Everytime I look in the mirror all I see is my ignorance and their faces. Every minute I spend at work makes the know in my throat get bigger and tighter... But I'm okay, I always am.

It's time for the superhuman adreline rush to kick in. I need to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. 

"Not everything that is faced can be changes, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." -James Baldwin