"Listen to the words that others can't speak; speak the words that others can't hear."

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Where Do I Even Start?!

It's weird, at first I thought it was a sick joke that all these celebrities were dying each day at the beginning of the year. At the same time politics seemed like another cruel joke, more celebrities going into rehab or being hospitalized, more death... Then I had friends start passing away, I wasn't sure if people in my own family would make it, I started feeling like I might lose my own battle with mental illness and finally when I decided to voluntarily (somewhat involuntarily) sign myself back into treatment... well, I guess that's when I knew this year wasn't messing around.

This year is almost over, and boy were our parents right when they said "life isn't always fair". Needless to say, I can't wait for this year to be over with.

On Friday I got a fortune that read "the current year will bring you much happiness". I don't really buy into that stuff, but I found it very ironic because it seemed like the current year was trying to kill me... Then I thought about it for a while and honestly, God is so good you guys!

The beginning of this year was so tough. Most of you know very little if any of the stuff I had to deal with during the first half of the year, but let's just say it was a lot. Through it all though, God gave me the strongest support group I could have ever asked for. He gave me co-workers and a supervisor that supported my decision for treatment. He gave me a treatment team that only cared about my wellbeing.

Then, after all that was said and done, I was given the opportunity to interview for a new position and I got it! So as much as I want and probably could complain, God has been good to me this year.

I can agree that the current year will bring me much happiness because it already has. I'm not waiting for something to make it a good year, I made the decisions necessary to make it a good year. Don't get me wrong, a lot of bad stuff has happened, but I have been able to move past that, to not hold on to the negative.

The other day, when I got into my little accident, my first reaction was to think that already, this day sucks. At seven o'clock in the morning I had decided that my day was ruined, all in the blink of an eye. I took some deep breaths and stepped out of the car. The man in the other vehicle smiled and said, "don't even worry about it, it's raining, it could've been any of us." After we traded insurance information he told me that he hopes my day turns around and that I have a good day. That small gesture flipped a switch in my mind that said this doesn't have to ruin your day. Start over. It's never too late.

So instead of calling in to my first day of training, I drove my messed up car all the way to Arlington and turned my day around.

A part of me is still very sad and angry. I guess those are my go-to emotions. I am angry about the accident, I am sad that our family's dog passed away. I am sad that I won't ever get to work with some of my old co-workers anymore. I am angry at things in the past.

I also realize that all of those things, they don't define me, my life, or my future. I realize that amongst the bad, many good things have happened.

I'm just blabbing now so I'll stop, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't count yourself out just because things don't seem to be working out. I personally believe it's all a part of a bigger plan, but if you don't believe in a higher power, you can tell yourself it's the universe. After all, in a world like ours, I hardly believe in coincidences.

Stay true to yourself,


PS- My dad told me the other day that my grandfather said he can now die at peace. He beat Fidel. I love that. I love that he outlived the man that caused him and the family so much pain and anguish. Fidel, all I have to say is, "se acabo lo que se daba."

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